Ma gave me a white flower - later I learnt the spiritual significance given by Her to the flower was 'Psychological Perfection'. Life now seemed meaningful only if it revolved around Her. Thursday was a 'Blessings Day' - I could not return from here without taking the Divine Mother's blessings. The days thus passed in blissful enchantment. 'Au revoir' - a french phrase reached my ears (I did not understand it then).
The Mother's burning gaze seemed to rend asunder my inner self and penetrate deep within. It was an indescribable experience to receive ground-nuts from Her own hands at the 'Playground Distribution'. My entire being was seized by a strange irresistible attraction. I followed The Mother around through the day from the Tennis Ground to the Playground, in an intoxicated state. I saw Her again for a few brief moments at the Balcony Darshan. There was a constant restless, urge for the next Darshan. But to see Her just once was not enough - the heart kept yearning for more. It mattered not if one knew nothing of Her - to have Her Darshan was All. At dawn, my eyes drank in a vision: a being of light, a solar deity, a human form so slender and delicate as if made of light - I gazed at her mesmerized. And we found ourselves comfortably ensconced in the second floor of the house where Dilip Kumar Roy had stayed. It appeared to me an amazing act of grace: The Mother accepted our request. That is when we learnt about writing a letter to The Mother seeking Her permission for the stay.
After reaching Pondicherry, we had kept our luggage in a hotel in the Bazaar and gone to the Ashram in search of accommodation. As our visit was not planned, we had not made the request in advance. In those days, The Mother's permission was necessary to stay at the Ashram Guest Houses. At that time I knew nothing of Mother-Sri Aurobindo or the Ashram.
We had reached Pondicherry on the last leg of a trip to South India. That unforgettable day in 1953 - my first 'Darshan' of The Mother.
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